


Meeting Lancelot's Actor! (True Story) (Not Click-Bait)

by ChetRoi



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Based on twitter interactions, M/M, No Beta We Die Like August, shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:46:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23837104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChetRoi/pseuds/ChetRoi
Summary: Itaru just wanted to have a nice stream. Banri just wanted to cause problems on purpose.
Relationships: Chigasaki Itaru/Utsuki Chikage
Comments: 26
Kudos: 209
Collections: A3 fic recs in case I get asked again, The Good Kush





	Meeting Lancelot's Actor! (True Story) (Not Click-Bait)

**Author's Note:**

> its currently 3:45 am and i don't know what even is happening rn...but i'm tired of writing serious shit so i was like... memes...shitpost... i meant to post it on Itaru's bday but life sadly got in the way. This is based on two separate convos I had, one with Leon and Okiki... one with Kita and Hannah. I just decided to combine them into one. this fic is for yall. honestly i'm sorry for all the glaring errors this probably has, but... its too late rn to fix it.

It all began with an innocuous question. To be quite honest, Itaru really should’ve expected that question because he did advertise the play during one of his streams, so the assumption was that he would watch it. Still, he didn’t expect the conversation to actually continue as he watched the chat continue to pester him about KniRoun IV the Stage. He was just trying to vibe and stream his game in peace. 

**Iihiyori:** hey taruchi, i know u answered my question about how u liked the adaptation and i’m grateful for that, but can you expand on it? Like what did you think of the actors? The action?

 **totallynotchrispy:** :MonkaS: :MonkaS: maybe he didn’t even watch it and was just sponsored

 **toasted:** damn it be that way

Itaru sighed. He didn’t really want to answer it because it might expose him, but he supposes that it wouldn’t hurt to answer a _few_ questions. “Nah, I wasn’t sponsored at all, I was just psyched to see KniRoun get more love. I really loved it and I could tell the actors were really passionate about it. I liked how instead of someone or something play Gwen, there was only a shadow to show that she was actually there. It really stuck to its roots of how only Lancelot and a select few others can see her. Speaking of that, the plot overall was pretty well timed, no doubt thanks to the scriptwriter. For the short amount of time it had, it managed to tell a complete story. The action scenes were pretty good, the final battle against Merlin was a lot better than I expected, especially considering how many other battles that Lancelot’s actor had to do. My favorite battle though has to be Lancelot vs. Gawain because...well that moment was just wild. It was my favorite moment in game, so seeing it on stage ” Itaru answered. Ay, that was a pretty good answer. It didn’t really reveal anything, but it was detailed enough to show that he did watch it. Ah fuck, it apparently wasn’t good enough as the chat exploded. 

**tiramiis:** ooh who was ur fave actor? Mine was lancelot, he was just so passionate, and u could tell. The speech he gave the first night almost brought tears to my eyes

 **iihiyori:** they were all just so good tbh

 **tiramiis:** rt

 **totallynotchrispy:** what did u think of the costumes?

 **toasted:** :kappa: :kappa: :kappa: i thought it was p accurate

 **totallynotchrispy:** like ik its a game and all, but that sword thin as a toothpick, shit would snap easier than a kitkat. Sure its made from some fancy ass metal, but rly… this bitch thin, i would’ve yeeted it for a giant greatsword

 **toasted:** :MonkaS: :MonkaS: grjkdjjga i mean…   
**iihiyori:** okay, lets talk about story...like did u want to see any other plot points get added or was the story good enough? I wanted some charas to be more fleshed out, but like time…

Great, this was just gonna be a Q&A session instead of a playthrough. “Well, my favorite actor was Gawain’s, he was just so cool. The costumes were really accurate, the designer did a great job with them. FYI, there’s a reason why Lancelot’s sword is so thin, but that’s spoilers territory and that’s a no. I agree with the character development thing, but the scriptwriter did the best that they could with what they were provided, so it’s already amazing.   
  


**toasted:** huh thats weird, i would’ve thought that u would like Lancelot’s actor the most, he is ur fave chara after all

 **tiramiis:** yeah but gawain’s actor was p good too, so i don't blame taruchi

 **iihiyori:** tru, but im curious, what do u actually think of Lancelot’s actor? 

**toasted:** and why do u prefer gawain’s actor over lancelot’s?

Fuck. How was Itaru supposed to answer this? He really doesn’t know how to objectively talk about himself and plus he might accidentally slip up. He can’t risk that. However, he’s sure that if he was too vague, they were just going to question him more. Fuck it, let’s dodge these questions like they’re the bombs in Fruit Samurai. “Well, Lancelot’s actor was pretty good. I just found Gawain’s actor to be better. Gawain’s actor was just amazing during the fight scenes, his fight scenes were so fluid. Of course, that’s not to dismiss his regular scenes, because he sure can act. Plus, he’s fucking hot as hell. Gawain was already pretty hot and I thought no one could really portray him well enough, but that stage actor can.” 

**NEO:** :kappa: :kappa: simp   
**chikausa:** Oh really? Interesting. Tell me more about how Gawain’s actor was so amazing and hot. I’m curious. 

Oh fuck, Itaru forgot that those two were in the stream. Oops. It was nice to see that Chikage was being his usual unromantic self again and Banri was being Banri. 

**totallynotchrispy:** he rly do be simping for Gawain’s actor out here **  
****iihiyori:** tbh me too

 **tiramiis:** its kinda weird tho **  
****tiramiis:** why does it seem like taruchi’s avoiding talking about lancelot’s actor?

 **toasted:** does it?

 **tiramiis:** yeah it kinda does

 **iihiyori:** well time to test this theory. can u go into detail about what you thought of lancelot’s actor?

Ah yes, there it was. There was the extra questioning. However, before he could respond, he got two different texts from two different people.

**Banri:** haha, fucking loser, i wanna see how u get out of this 

**Senpai <3: **Chigasaki, be careful not to reveal anything. We don’t want another Tonooka situation because a few thousand people are a lot harder to deal with than one person.

Itaru sighed and texted them both back before pocketing his phone again. “Sorry, I had some important texts that I had to respond to. Now, for the Lancelot’s actor thing… I guess he acted pretty well. He displayed some good emotion in the emotional scenes. He could’ve done better in the action scenes though, not as good as Gawain’s. I also guess that he did pretty okay with the overall nuances of the scenes. The looks that he gave the shadow did indicate that there was someone, a.k.a. Gwen there.” Itaru responded. Itaru was glad that the red panda mask was covering the mad thinking face that he had going on because he wasn’t about to expose himself today. 

**tiramiis:** i see

 **iihiyori:** well, what did you think of Merlin’s actor then? 

Easy money, Itaru could talk about the positives of anyone but himself for a long time when it comes to acting. Ugh, he really has become an acting fool huh? Itaru tried his best to not scrunch his nose at the fact. He’ll think more about that later, in private, where he will smile like the fool he was and then Chikage would probably tell him to stop smiling like an idiot. “Well, I already knew that Merlin was going to betray them, but the way that Merlin’s actor played him was really good. Even when he was pretending to be a good guy, you could see the subtle slips and clues by just how the actor portrays him. Brief flashes of an evil look or an evil voice… Even the smiles Merlin gave were kinda sus at times.” Itaru answered.

**toasted:** yeah ok, i can see the avoiding topic thing now **  
****totallynotchrispy:** dude sounds like a nerd talking about everyone but lancelot’s actor

 **toasted:** yeah hes either tryna avoid talking about him or he just didn't pay attention when lancelot was on stage **  
****toasted:** the second one isn’t likely because lancelot is the mc, and if he paid that much attention to the lesser charas like merlin, then he definitely would pay attention to lancelot

Fuck, Itaru didn’t even notice that. Even if he did, all he would’ve done was roast himself if he did decide to go in depth, and that would lead to people assuming that he had beef with Lancelot’s actor. I mean he did have beef with Lancelot’s actor, but that’s more of a him problem than anything else. 

**tiramiis:** hey guys crack theory but **  
** **tiramiis:** what if taruchi was lancelot’s actor **  
** **totallynotchrispy:** maybe its cause its crackhead hours, but i can see it  
 **iihiyori:** yeah, taruchi seems to know a lot of theatre… you know who also knows a lot about theatre? Stage actors **  
** **toasted:** broooo if it’s true thats fucking cool, we stan a talented man  
 **chikausa:** I mean, taruchi doesn’t have to be a stage actor to have a passion for theatre. **  
****NEO:** :PogChamp: :PogChamp: do y’all rly think that taruchi has enough stamina to even do all those fight scenes? my mans twiggier than lancelot’s toothpick sword and paler than the white bread that he models his personality after.   
**taruchi:** fuck u NEO, tf i ever do to u other than being better at u in every game that we’ve ever played?  
 **iihiyori:** NEO does have a point tho, no offense taruchi but i doubt a streamer like u could do those sick moves  
 **taruchi:** none taken  
 **tiramiis:** still not convinced tho, we dont rly know anything about him, so maybe hes stronger than he looks  
 **toasted:** ^^^  
  
 _“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. How do I get out of this? What reason do I have for either not liking Lancelot’s actor that I can tell them or not paying attention to him, and only paying attention to everyone else? The second one sounds stupid when it’s in complete thoughts, so that’s out of the window. Maybe I can pretend I have beef with him? But then what kind of beef and why? What if that sends some of my fans after Itaru Chigasaki and then that leads to them harassing me? Well, i don’t mind that, but I can’t allow them to harass anyone else in these dorms… Fuck… wait. No. No. No. I can’t believe that I can’t think of ANYTHING else. It makes sense, but the people that actually know who I am will clown the fuck out of me. Still, the hardest choices require the strongest wills. This better work.”_ Itaru blinked himself back into reality where he saw the chat was still going wild with conspiracy theories that weren’t really theories. “Okay, I really didn’t want to reveal this but since y’all are all crackheads who think I’m a stage actor when I can’t even run half a kilometer irl but...I haven’t really commented on Lancelot’s stage actor because I couldn’t focus when I see him. He’s just too hot.” Immediately the whole chat exploded.  
  
 **tiramiis:** holy shit? Holy shit? Holy shit? I mean valid but holy shit? **  
** **iihiyori:** good taste taruchi  
 **NEO:** :PogChamp: **  
** **NEO:** :PogChamp: **  
** **NEO:** :PogChamp: **  
** **NEO:** :PogChamp: 

**NEO:** :PogChamp: **  
****NEO:** :PogChamp: **  
****NEO:** no fucking way dude, i cant fucking believe this **  
****chikausa:** ...I did not expect this at all. Really? Do you really? **  
****toasted:** can’t believe ur simping for both Gawain and Lancelot’s actors **  
****totallynotchrispy:** we stan a disaster bi   
**Iihiyori:** wait, why can’t you pay attention to Lancelot but can with Gawain if u like both of them   
**toasted:** he probably prefers lance over gawain   
  
“Well actually, I prefer Gawain over Lance. It’s just that Gawain’s actor is too amazing to not appreciate. Lancelot’s actor, well he’s attractive, but no offense to him, he’s not as good as Gawain’s.” Itaru said as he looked down at his phone. 

**Banri:** bro i fucking died when u said that you fucking liked urself, nice save tho, i never would’ve thought of that   
**Banri:** still, im here to cause problems on purpose and that i will do   
**Banri:** also stop it with that disgusting shit, i dont need to know that ur the biggest fucking softie for ur bf, im just here to clown on u

  
  
 **Senpai <3: ** That save was… interesting. It definitely worked though, and it brought attention away from you and that’s all that matters. **  
****Senpai <3: ** While I appreciate all these compliments about me, I don’t know how I feel about them. You’re more experienced in acting and I believe that you’re the better actor due to this. Appreciate yourself more. **  
****Senpai <3: ** Although, if you want to continue with that compliment train, go on. It’s quite nice to see this side of you when you’re such a brat usually.   
  
Itaru sighed at his unromantic Senpai and his troublemaking junior. His attention went back to the chat, which was still on how he was simping on stage actors, but he almost choked when he saw the next few chats.

**NEO:** so u and i are good friends right :kappa: :kappa: :kappa:   
**NEO:** as ur good friend, i would like to help u   
**NEO:** i personally know lancelot’s actor, and i can introduce u to him   
**NEO:** maybe u 2 can hit it off and u get to upgrade from his simp to his bf   
  
Itaru swears that he’s going to kill this kid. Using all his experience in faking facial expressions and friendliness, he faked a smile. “That’s very generous of you Neo, but it’s fine. Really. He’s out of my league anyways.”   
  
**NEO:** nah he aint out of ur league, believe in urself more bro   
**NEO:** ooh i have an even better idea :PogChamp: :PogChamp: :PogChamp:   
**NEO:** i know that lance’s actor is dating gawain’s actor, so maybe… all of u can have a threesome   
**NEO:** all u have to do is give me the word, and ur dream men won’t be dreams anymore   
**chikausa:** …   
**chikausa:** I think you should give it a try. What do you have to lose? It’s not like you’re taken or anything.   
  
Itaru read the chat and tried his best to scream out “Et tu brute?” on stream. Instead, he gave a very forced grin. “Neo. Once again, I will have to politely decline. Besides, I know him too because I met all the whole cast as the famous streamer taruchi. I can set it up if I want to.”   
  
**chikausa:** Oh?   
**NEO:** :MonkaS: :MonkaS: :MonkaS:   
**NEO:** bro i didnt know that u knew him too   
**NEO:** why dont u hit him up and show proof that u ain’t lying   
**NEO:** all of us are cheering for ur thirsty ass   
**tiramiis:** wow, it’s so cool that u both know the actors!   
**iihiyori** : pics pics pics

 **totallynotchrispy:** pics or it didn’t happen   
**toasted:** ^^^   
**NEO:** actually i heard that the lance actor takes a lot of requests, maybe u can fulfill ur shoujo manga dreams of having some attractive guy kabedon u   
**taruchi:** stfu, stop projecting onto me   
**NEO:** hey im just spitting facts, u seem like the type of lonely loser to dream about getting kabedoned   
  
Itaru refused to take this shit from the guy that was 6 years younger than him as Itaru clapped his hands. “Well, this has been fun, but I sadly have to go and beat Neo’s ass right now. So, thank you everyone, but Neo, for attending this stream. I’m sorry that I didn’t really play, but I’ll make it up next time.” As he ended the stream, the last thing finally sent him over the edge.   
  
**NEO:** beat me up? I would like to see you try chicken little   
  
Itaru turned off his computer and took a deep breath. “Stop saying that I look like Chicken Little. He’s dumb and he’s a coward, and I am not a coward.” Itaru muttered as he stormed to Banri’s room. When he reached it, he knocked on the door, formulating his roasts silently. Juza opened the door, looking unsurprised as he welcomed Itaru in. There, he saw Banri and Chikage just chilling on the floor. “What the fuck? Why are you here Senpai?” Itaru asked as Banri smirked and waved at Itaru.   
  
Chikage snorted as he replied. “Hello to you too Chigasaki. As for why I’m here, well, when we made our deals, I just have to leave our room. So, when I left, I was invited here by Banri to do one of our favorite things, clown on you. It was rather fun.”   
  
“Can’t believe my boyfriend would do this to me, well I can, but… anyways, I’m just here for that bitch.” Itaru turned to point at Banri. “What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker.”

  
Banri just leaned back with a shit-eating smirk on this face. “Shut up Chicken Little, you’re scrawny as hell and I saw you struggle to pick up one of those plastic kiddie chairs. You can’t do shit to me without your bones snapping like a Kit-Kat.”   
  
Itaru opened and closed his mouth as he silently cursed. “Well, that’s true. I can’t do anything to you, but he can.” Itaru pointed at Chikage, who cocked an eyebrow.

“Fight your own battles, I’m staying out of this.” Chikage retorted as Banri fist-pumped in the air.

“Et tu brute?” Itaru said dramatically as he weakly threw a pillow that was conveniently near him at Banri, who dodged it. “Ugh, what an unromantic Senpai.”   
  
“Sure didn’t seem that way when you were talking about Gawain’s actor.” Chikage said, smirking as Itaru grabbed another conveniently close pillow and tried to smack Chikage with it. Chikage grabbed his wrist and pulled him down so that Itaru was right on Chikage’s lap. “Gawain’s actor also doesn’t mind that threesome offer...two of you? Yes please.“ Chikage whispered into Itaru’s ear as Itaru flushed and struggled to get away from Chikage’s tight grip around his waist..   
  
“Gross, go back to your own room. I don’t want to see horny old men fuck.” Banri groaned as he covered his eyes.   
  
“You’re the one that came up with the threesome idea, reap your rewards.” Itaru hissed. Chikage eventually did release Itaru from his vice-like grip as Itaru got up and dusted himself off.   
  
“Hey bro, you still need to show proof that you actually did meet Lancelot’s actor, so good luck with that.” Banri called out when Itaru was right about to leave the room. Itaru had no idea how he was going to do that without forming some sort of clone machine or hiring a lookalike, but he’ll figure something out. 

Was Itaru stupid? For sure. Has he ever imagined getting kabedoned by an attractive person? Unfortunately, Banri was right because Itaru’s answer was yes. However, did he ever imagine that he would end up posting a picture where he kabedoned himself? Definitely not. Still, here he is with his phone perched on some stand with his camera on, ready to start counting down the seconds in order to take a picture. He managed to get his Lancelot costume, which he hung on a rack out of the shot. He took his classic red panda mask and put it on. He can’t believe he’s doing this. He practiced the usual shounen girl getting kabedoned pose, which he perfected by skimming through a bunch of Muku’s romance mangas. When satisfied that it was good enough, Itaru went to his phone and hurried to the wall to do the pose. He heard the camera go click and he immediately went to check it out. Okay, pretty good if he did say so himself. 

Itaru took off the mask and donned his Lancelot costume, which he thankfully still fit. He then practiced kabedoning, which was pretty cringe, but hey. This post was supposed to be ironic, or at least that’s what he tells himself. When he felt comfortable enough to know that he could do it properly, he once again went to his phone and set the timer. When he heard the camera go off, he was about to go check it, but the door decided to open at that moment. Chikage walked in and hung up his suit jacket. “I’m home Chigasaki.” Itaru was frozen in that kabedon pose as he felt time slow down when Chikage looked up from the rack and noticed him. Itaru saw Chikage freeze up too as Chikage rubbed his eyes. “What are you doing Chigasaki?”   
  
Itaru unfroze and tried to laugh it off. “Oh. Senpai. Hi. You’re home early. I’m just. Vibing. Pretending to be an anime main character. I’m gonna go now. Bye.” Itaru said as he quickly grabbed his phone and rushed out the room before the situation could get any worse.

Chikage followed him and tapped him on the shoulder. Itaru turned around to see Chikage holding his normal clothes. “I believe that you don’t want to go wherever it is you’re running to in Lancelot’s outfit. Plus, if you get that dirty, even I can’t save you from Yuki.” Itaru gratefully accepted the clothes.  
  
“Thanks Senpai.” Itaru said as he gave Chikage a thank you kiss before rushing away. Itaru wished that he had that memory-erasing pen like Men in Black because he wanted to erase Chikage and his memories from that event. God, fuck Banri. It was his fault that this ridiculous event even happened. God, why did he trip that flag? This stupid shitpost post better please the people in Mankai and hopefully convince his fans that taruchi wasn’t the stage actor. If this doesn’t kill two birds with one stone, Itaru was gonna go into hiding for months. 

  
When taruchi uploaded his newest picture, his fanbase went crazy. Wow, taruchi really wasn’t lying when he said that he knew the stage actor for Lancelot! Too bad that everyone in Mankai also followed his taruchi account. The comments they left… well… Itaru will let you judge them for yourselves.  
  
 **NEO:** HOLY FUCKING SHIT YOU MADLAD...YOU ACTUALLY FUCKING DID IT  
 **chikausa:** This is just pathetic. **  
****Kaz-PIKO:** bro when u said it was a surprise i didn’t think it would be this much of a surprise **  
** **muku-prince:** Wow~ you look so cool!  
  
The normal texts he got reminded him that sadly, everyone in Mankai was aware of the picture.   
  
**Kazunari:** so thats why u asked me about photoshopping and editing huh  
 **Kazunari:** bro if u wanted to meme, u should’ve told me and i would’ve been ur meme buddy  
 **Kazunari:** next time edit it like that one girl with 5 guys pic, but instead its 5 lancelots and 1 taruchi  
  
 **Banri:** i can’t believe u actually did it **  
** **Banri:** i think i sprained something from laughing so hard  
 **Banri:** next time, i’ll think of smth even worse, but i doubt anything will ever top this  
  
 **Muku:** I’m so glad that my shoujo magazines helped you so much!   
**Muku:** You looked so cool and your form was so nice!  
  
 **Yuki:** if something happened with the lancelot costume, i’ll break your kneecaps  
  
 **Citron:** dID YU cLOe uRslf?  
 **Citron:** hoW u Get 1 tarcHI aNd 1 lAnclot?  
 **Citron:** if yU hAV cLoN mAcIne, gib mE  
  
 **Senpai <3: **So, that’s what you were doing that day. I wouldn’t say that I’m surprised, but I didn’t expect you to actually post it.   
  
**Omi:** If you needed someone to take a picture for you, you could’ve asked me and I would’ve been happy to help  
  
 **Masumi:** I hope you know that my standards for you were low, but holy shit did you manage to lower it more  
  
 **Tsuzuru:** why  
  
 **Taichi:** ur blowing up… can you teach me how to kabedon so girls would like me more?  
  
Of course, there were a lot of snickers and smiles and just full-blown laughter the next few times he showed his face anywhere, however it died down eventually. Banri did end up making it a print that he hung up on his wall, but it mysteriously disappeared when Itaru complained about it to Chikage. When Itaru believed that everything finally died down, he breathed a sigh of relief. It was successful in making people believe that they weren’t the same person, and that was all that mattered. However, his face blanched when he saw user chikausa suggest that taruchi should do the same thing with Gawain’s actor and everyone else agreed.   
  
Itaru looked at Chikage, who he was currently cuddling with, and said “Senpai, you can’t be deadass.”  
  
Chikage leaned in to kiss Itaru. “Hey, that threesome offer is still up, so why not? Gawain's actor would be more than happy to pose with famous streamer taruchi.”

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on twitter @gachakitakoreJK so we can shitpost together and scream about chikaita


End file.
